Moving Insights into the world of adopted children

The following column originally appeared in APG of East Central Minnesota newspapers during August and September, 2025, including but not limited to the Dakota Country Tribune,  MilleLacs Messenger.  Aitkin Independent,  Press&News, SunPost, Sun Current, Sun Sailor,  Sun This Week,  Elk River Star News, Faribault Daily News,  Morrison County Record, County News Review, APG of East Central Mn statewide news

 

Moving insights into the world of adopted children

 

Most, but not all of us know the answers to basic questions about ourselves. They include: “Who are my parents and grandparents? What are our customs and traditions?”

But a compelling recent book reminds us that there are thousands of young adoptees here in Minnesota and throughout the U.S. who don’t know – and, in some cases, are being denied answers to these questions.

 

 

 

The book, When We Become Ours (HarperCollins) is one of the most valuable books I’ve read this year. It opened up an important world about which I knew very little. Each of the 17 chapters was written by a person who had been adopted. And while the essays sometimes are painful, the authors also include positive suggestions. I hope every Minnesota school buys and shares this book with students.

The comic-book-like chapter, “Love is not enough” by Lisa Rim Sjoblom is a very good place to start. According to the section of the book describing the authors, Sjoblom was born in Busan, South Korea and was adopted in Sweden at age 2. According to the bio, “She’s a comic-book artist and illustrator, and a vocal adoptee rights activist.”

Her chapter emphasizes several themes found throughout the book. These include

• Some adoptees wonder, “Why did my parents give me up? They must have been so disappointed in me. Why else would they’ve abandoned me?”
• Many adoptees want to know where they came from and who their parents were. “It’s not like I’m going to run away and live with them.”
• Many adoptees are told that this information won’t be provided until the person is 18.
• After being told repeatedly that she wouldn’t learn about her birth parents until age 18: “I’m just so angry all the time.”
• Parents “have no idea what it’s like to be adopted”
• “When it comes to adoption, love just isn’t enough.”
• Adoptees throughout the world are finding, supporting and encouraging each other online.

The U.S. Census Bureau reported in 2010 (the latest year for which I could find data) that about 4.5 million (7%) of American children 18 or under have been adopted or are stepchildren.

Minnesota Parent magazine reported that Minnesota “has the highest per capita rate of adoption in the country.”

The book’s co-editor, Shannon Gibney, told me that this is true mostly because some Minnesota social service agencies have worked actively to arrange international adoptions for Minnesota families. She’s a Minneapolis Community and Technical College professor and adoptee who teaches writing.

The book’s other co-author, Nicole Chung, is an international adoptee from Korea into a U.S. family. ** She describes being “an adopted kid who sometimes felt I had stepped into a stranger’s life. I knew how it felt to wonder if there was something more you could have done, something more you could have been, to keep your whole family together.”

Gibney covers another issue in her chapter, “Oreo.” She describes the experience of an adoptee who identifies as Black, but has been called “a white, Black girl.”

Gibney and Chung sought out authors who could illustrate the special challenge of being a “transracial adoptee” – a person of another race who was adopted by a white family.

I agree with Gibney that “this book should appeal to a broad readership.” At the same time, one of the editors’ goals is “to give voice to Black, Asian American, American Indian and Mexican American people who have been adopted by white families.” Gibney told me, “Many transracial adoptese have not seen themselves in books – this is the first short story collection by transracial adoptees for transracial adoptees.” The book also includes other resources about adoption.

Gibney mentioned that the reaction to this book has been “amazing – many young adoptees have told us this book helps them see their experiences as positive.”

But she stressed that “it’s also for general readers.” She hopes the book will “help people understand their family, friends, neighbors, having a bit more empathy and understanding.”

Joe Nathan, PhD, has been a Minnesota educator, parent, grandparent, PTA president, and founder/director of Center for School Change. Reactions welcome, joe@centerforschoolchange.org

 

** Correction: Nicole Chung was adopted from a Korean American family to a white family in the US.  The author apologies for this inaccuracy based on his misunderstanding of a statement in the book.